Baby Cabrera
Taysia took me to my HSG test on August 12, 2013. I had been taking the clomid for the first cycle.
Gio was traveling a lot and I found that when I wasn't at work; I wanted to just be at home. Away from everyone. Just in my best with my dachshund and Netflix streaming on the tv. I started to notice that I couldnt make it through the whole episode of Family Guy. Before I knew it, I wasn't making it through the opening credits of that stupid show. All I wanted to do while Giovanni was traveling was to sleep. I started having weird, vivid, and just super life life dreams. Dreams that you really couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't.
I have dealt with depression for a while and I found that I'd eat my feelings, throw myself in to my work load, or I absolutely love to sleep. Being that I was by myself and lonely, I chopped up the fact that I was constantly sleeping and exhausted to depression.
It wasn't depression. No, no.... It was something more. I thought maybe I was getting the flu. I happen to buy some pregnancy tests. My period wasn't late, but I decided to test the day my period was due and on the morning of September 2nd, 2013.... I saw this:
If you have ever been struggling while trying to have a child and you see this.... You know exactly what I was feeling was like. Time stopped. I felt like I couldn't breathe..... I became hot and anxious at the same time... I stood with my back against the wall for almost five minutes bawling my damn eyes out before waking up Giovanni out of a dead sleep. He had no idea what the hell I was talking about. I handed him the pregnancy test and he thought it was a fucking marker....a marker....
Let me ask you this...... does that look like a fucking marker?
Anyways, once his eyes adjusted to the bright light of me turning on every single light possible in our room; he saw the two pink lines. "So what do two lines mean?", he asked. I was shaking and couldn't even form a sentence at this point. It took him a couple minutes to ask, "So...... we're pregnant?" I started laughing and crying all at the same time. He asked again, "Are we pregnant???" I shook my head yes & all I remember is him trying to pick me up, but then decided that it wasn't a good idea. It could "hurt the baby" as he likes to say.
I called Dr. K that morning and made my first appointment. He was pretty surprised that we were pregnant so quickly.
I told Giovanni not to tell a soul. I felt like we needed to wait until our first ultrasound before sharing any news. Too late. Giovanni told every bank teller, banker, and customer that walked through the door. Every person he ran into he would beam and say, "My wife and I are pregnant!!" Meanwhile, I didn't even tell Taysia.
On September 5th, 2013 at 8:56 pm I received a call that woke me up out of a dead ass sleep. Now if you have ever been pregnant, you know that sleep I'm talking about. The sleep where a bomb could be going off in your back yard and you wouldn't even know. The kind that your partner could be gently shaking you and you would never wake up. I was pretty surprised at the fact that a little bit of light & vibration was able to wake me up.... It was Taysia... I always welcome a phone call, text, or facetime from Miss Bleu. ALWAYS. She's been there for me when I couldn't turn to anyone else, so you bet your sweet ass, I answer. I remember her asking me if I was sleeping and if I was ok. I didn't realize that it had been a couple days since our last conversation. Totally out of the norm for us. I sat up, rubbed my face, and cleared my head just in time to hear her say, " Are you pregnant?".... I asked her, "What?"..... She used a tone with me that a big sister uses... It's a concerned yet aggressive tone.... "Are. You. Pregnant?" There was no way I could not tell her. Especially knowing that she meant business..... so I caved. I told her why I didn't tell her beforehand, but she didn't care and problably didn't hear a word I said. She was yelling, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... I knew It!!!!! I just fucking knew it.... I could feel it!!!"
You would have to witness the way that Tays and I interact with each other to understand the next thing she said..... "I got you girl. Tell Giovanni to move over! I'm going to be a baby daddy!" Music to my ears.
Next was telling my parents & my employer.... My mom cried... big time... My dad will never admit it, but I know as soon as I got off the phone with him; he cried. Baby Cabrera would be my dad's first biological grandchild. They were both so excited. I leave this section pretty short, not because I don't feel like it's worth sharing, but because I feel like that moment in my life is too precious to fully share with everyone. That's one moment that I want to keep for just us. Our first pregnancy.
I happen to have had a manager's meeting on September 10th, My boss happens to be a very very tiny woman. She's probably 4'11" on a good day wearing heels, but don't let her height fool you.... She's a pitbull on a mission when she needs to be. She takes NO prisoners. I walked in to her office a little weary that my news might make her doubt my commitment to my store and my team. I was so wrong. As soon as I walked into my boss's office she asked, "Well hello Mrs. Married Lady!!! Are you pregnant yet??!!?" When I answered her, she stopped what she was writing, got out of her chair, and immediately wrapped her arms around me. Her brown eyes were misty when she looked up at me. Her little voice cracked while trying to speak, making into a barely audible whisper.... "You made a little person." I thought she was going to lose her fucking mind.
We were on cloud nine.
We made it to our first check up. Dr. K examined me. Sent me for bloodwork, set up an ultrasound date... and next... gave us an OFFICIAL due date. May 10. I would be a mommy on or around May 10! Giovanni would be a daddy on or around May 10th.
We were throwing around names, nursery ideas, baby shower ideas.... We were doing it all... but something was missing...
Taysia....
Everytime I brought up baby names she would change the subject. I couldn't talk about baby shower ideas or even the color of the wood that I wanted the crib to be without it turning into a sour conversation. I finally reached my breaking point one morning while laying on the floor of her office. She was in the middle of paying a bill and Travis was yelling for a snack at the bottom of the stairs. I just came out and asked her, "What the fuck man? Why do you keep getting so upset every fucking time I bring something up?? Are you not happy for me?"
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up just yet. You never know what is going to happen."
I couldn't decide if I wanted to verbally attack her or if I wanted to punch her in the throat. She said the next sentence, again like an older sister getting the last word in, " We just shouldn't be talking about this. So many things could happen."
She couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder..............
Gio was traveling a lot and I found that when I wasn't at work; I wanted to just be at home. Away from everyone. Just in my best with my dachshund and Netflix streaming on the tv. I started to notice that I couldnt make it through the whole episode of Family Guy. Before I knew it, I wasn't making it through the opening credits of that stupid show. All I wanted to do while Giovanni was traveling was to sleep. I started having weird, vivid, and just super life life dreams. Dreams that you really couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't.
I have dealt with depression for a while and I found that I'd eat my feelings, throw myself in to my work load, or I absolutely love to sleep. Being that I was by myself and lonely, I chopped up the fact that I was constantly sleeping and exhausted to depression.
It wasn't depression. No, no.... It was something more. I thought maybe I was getting the flu. I happen to buy some pregnancy tests. My period wasn't late, but I decided to test the day my period was due and on the morning of September 2nd, 2013.... I saw this:
If you have ever been struggling while trying to have a child and you see this.... You know exactly what I was feeling was like. Time stopped. I felt like I couldn't breathe..... I became hot and anxious at the same time... I stood with my back against the wall for almost five minutes bawling my damn eyes out before waking up Giovanni out of a dead sleep. He had no idea what the hell I was talking about. I handed him the pregnancy test and he thought it was a fucking marker....a marker....
Let me ask you this...... does that look like a fucking marker?
Anyways, once his eyes adjusted to the bright light of me turning on every single light possible in our room; he saw the two pink lines. "So what do two lines mean?", he asked. I was shaking and couldn't even form a sentence at this point. It took him a couple minutes to ask, "So...... we're pregnant?" I started laughing and crying all at the same time. He asked again, "Are we pregnant???" I shook my head yes & all I remember is him trying to pick me up, but then decided that it wasn't a good idea. It could "hurt the baby" as he likes to say.
I called Dr. K that morning and made my first appointment. He was pretty surprised that we were pregnant so quickly.
I told Giovanni not to tell a soul. I felt like we needed to wait until our first ultrasound before sharing any news. Too late. Giovanni told every bank teller, banker, and customer that walked through the door. Every person he ran into he would beam and say, "My wife and I are pregnant!!" Meanwhile, I didn't even tell Taysia.
On September 5th, 2013 at 8:56 pm I received a call that woke me up out of a dead ass sleep. Now if you have ever been pregnant, you know that sleep I'm talking about. The sleep where a bomb could be going off in your back yard and you wouldn't even know. The kind that your partner could be gently shaking you and you would never wake up. I was pretty surprised at the fact that a little bit of light & vibration was able to wake me up.... It was Taysia... I always welcome a phone call, text, or facetime from Miss Bleu. ALWAYS. She's been there for me when I couldn't turn to anyone else, so you bet your sweet ass, I answer. I remember her asking me if I was sleeping and if I was ok. I didn't realize that it had been a couple days since our last conversation. Totally out of the norm for us. I sat up, rubbed my face, and cleared my head just in time to hear her say, " Are you pregnant?".... I asked her, "What?"..... She used a tone with me that a big sister uses... It's a concerned yet aggressive tone.... "Are. You. Pregnant?" There was no way I could not tell her. Especially knowing that she meant business..... so I caved. I told her why I didn't tell her beforehand, but she didn't care and problably didn't hear a word I said. She was yelling, "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..... I knew It!!!!! I just fucking knew it.... I could feel it!!!"
You would have to witness the way that Tays and I interact with each other to understand the next thing she said..... "I got you girl. Tell Giovanni to move over! I'm going to be a baby daddy!" Music to my ears.
Next was telling my parents & my employer.... My mom cried... big time... My dad will never admit it, but I know as soon as I got off the phone with him; he cried. Baby Cabrera would be my dad's first biological grandchild. They were both so excited. I leave this section pretty short, not because I don't feel like it's worth sharing, but because I feel like that moment in my life is too precious to fully share with everyone. That's one moment that I want to keep for just us. Our first pregnancy.
I happen to have had a manager's meeting on September 10th, My boss happens to be a very very tiny woman. She's probably 4'11" on a good day wearing heels, but don't let her height fool you.... She's a pitbull on a mission when she needs to be. She takes NO prisoners. I walked in to her office a little weary that my news might make her doubt my commitment to my store and my team. I was so wrong. As soon as I walked into my boss's office she asked, "Well hello Mrs. Married Lady!!! Are you pregnant yet??!!?" When I answered her, she stopped what she was writing, got out of her chair, and immediately wrapped her arms around me. Her brown eyes were misty when she looked up at me. Her little voice cracked while trying to speak, making into a barely audible whisper.... "You made a little person." I thought she was going to lose her fucking mind.
We were on cloud nine.
We made it to our first check up. Dr. K examined me. Sent me for bloodwork, set up an ultrasound date... and next... gave us an OFFICIAL due date. May 10. I would be a mommy on or around May 10! Giovanni would be a daddy on or around May 10th.
We were throwing around names, nursery ideas, baby shower ideas.... We were doing it all... but something was missing...
Taysia....
Everytime I brought up baby names she would change the subject. I couldn't talk about baby shower ideas or even the color of the wood that I wanted the crib to be without it turning into a sour conversation. I finally reached my breaking point one morning while laying on the floor of her office. She was in the middle of paying a bill and Travis was yelling for a snack at the bottom of the stairs. I just came out and asked her, "What the fuck man? Why do you keep getting so upset every fucking time I bring something up?? Are you not happy for me?"
"I just don't want you to get your hopes up just yet. You never know what is going to happen."
I couldn't decide if I wanted to verbally attack her or if I wanted to punch her in the throat. She said the next sentence, again like an older sister getting the last word in, " We just shouldn't be talking about this. So many things could happen."
She couldn't have hit the nail on the head any harder..............
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