What NOT To Say To A Couple ttc! Who Inspired Me? Who Offended Me??

This seems to be a lot to cover for one post, but honestly.... It all came to me at once... I like to keep it at a two topic max... but let's face it. I do what I want.

For starters.... I was talking to someone about my ttc journey & she said, "Just relax!!"

If you are in this ttc with me, then you know there is nothing more annoying than someone telling you to relax. In fact, it's the worst shit-vice (shit + advice) anyone could give you. Really??? I was relaxed for the first year. Statistics show that it takes the average couple 6-12 months to conceive a child. I was relaxed for that 6-12 months. IM NO LONGER RELAXED!

So I decided to ask around to some of my groups on what NOT to say to a woman/couple that are ttc. I received some pretty fucking awesome ones... and others... well I had to ask why the FUCK no one punched that asshole in the throat.  Here's some of the top answers that I received:

1. Just stop thinking about it

"I hated... I mean HATED when people would say just stop thinking aobut it..... ok, do you ever stop thinking about something you dream about? Or long for? No, never." - Tessa

     2.  When are you guys going to have a baby?

"Ugggghhhhh just stop asking that question.... damn I'm trying"- imayes

    3.   It took me forever to get pregnant. 3 months!!

" I think the "it took me gorever to get pregnant" and "it finally happened" type comments when they only tried for 2-3 months are the most hurtful. And the ones that makes me the maddest!! How disrespectful to those of us who have been trying for a long time!"- isherwh

    4.  It's not your time. It's on God's timing.

This one just rubs me the wrong way. Tell me again how it was God's timing that your 15 year old just had a baby..... The nice lady who sent #4 in has been ttc baby #1 for almost 6 years. 

    5.   Awww don't worry, it will happen soon

"Awwwwww (when someone starts it with awww, I want to punch them in the throat). Currently stolling on to cycle 6- aidens.mommmie

    6.   Are you pregnant yet?

"People should not ask multiple times if we're pregnant yet. or try to ask "tricky" questions to get us to tell them before we are ready. That happened to me not long after a miscarriage (that no one knew about) and it was terrible. I burst into tears! Though I know they didn't know, part of me still holds a grudge"- beth4baby

    7. Good, you don't want kids anyways

What the fucking fuck?????? really???? for fuck's sake... I'm not even going to elaborate on this one. Of all people, the submitter's MOTHER told her that. 

    8.  I don't have that problem. It's easy to get pregnant for us.

"This one came from a friend who had 2 unplanned pregnancies. 'Oh not me. I dont have that problem, hubby and I have this connection.' Ugh... I hate people sometimes" - dia1786

YES... PLEASE TELL ME AGAIN HOW DISCONNECTED MY HUSBAND AND I ARE. 

    9. It's not God's will.

It must also be God's will for you to live. If I had actual time.... I would hunt you down.... bitch

   10. You should be grateful for the ones you have.

That's just rude. 

    11. Did you have his *ahem* swimmers *ahem* checked? Maybe it's him,

Why thank you Captain Obvious. Yes. If you need to know... He's been checked... and guess what.... He has Michael Phelps swimmers. Would you like to know of anything else that happens in my husbands junk?

I guess we can put all 11 of those comments into the section of who offended me tonight as well. 

Think before you speak. If you have never dealt with infertility of any kind, don't make dumbass remarks. You don't know the ups & downs that we go through. I know that Giovanni and I have cried countless tears & have prayed countless prayers trying to figure out what is going on with me. He has held me as I was in the fetal position on the bathroom floor after someone told me, "Maybe you should just think about adoption." If you cant find words of encouragement.. I'm asking on behalf of every couple that is going through this.... Don't say anything at all.

To brighten this post up......

My Girls are DIEING to know who has inspired me this week & who has offended me. I did give them a clue and they have been chomping at the bit for me to spill the beans....

So here it is

Who inspired me?

Jill Duggar.

Yes from 19 Kids & Counting. I never in my life (NEVER EVER NEVER NEVER) thought I would feel inspired by a Duggar. She on the other hand blew me away.

Jill & her new husband, Derrick, shared their pregnancy news just 61 days after getting married. There was total speculation on whether or not she broke the "Duggar Rules" and their beliefs on saving your virginity until marriage. (They have to wait to even hold hands until their engaged) What was the reason for this speculation? They didn't wait until their second trimester to announce their pregnancy. Very nontraditional, but nonetheless, awesome. 

Jill was quoted saying, " Understanding that the majority of miscarriages happen within the first trimester, and believing that every life is precious no matter how young, we decided to share our joyful news as soon as we could." 

Why does this inspire me? I feel like women are shamed into not announcing until the second trimester. I remember when I got pregnant with the first baby. Everyone around me that I did tell kept saying, "Dont tell anyone yet!! You don't know what might happen." You're so right. I don't know what can happen. No one knows what can happen. Women lose their children during the second trimester too. How about the third trimester? I had a friend who lost a baby at 38 weeks. There are women who lose their children after birth to SIDS. So when is a good time to announce that you're expecting? When your child goes off to college?? There is never a "perfect" time to announce anything. I should be able to celebrate with whoever will listen. All forms of life deserve to be celebrated, no matter how young or old. 

It was a breath of fresh air to see that someone could see what I see. This should never have to be a "taboo" subject when you are so excited that you just want everyone to listen and join in with you. 

How do you feel? Do you think announcements should be made only after a woman has cleared the first trimester?

Who offended me??? 

Surprise!!! It's from the same family that inspired me. 

Michelle Duggar has been in a load of hot water lately. She started with her "Tranny's shouldn't be able to use the women's restroom because they are child predators" and all her other off the wall topics that she seems to want to share with everyone else. (yes, she did say a bunch of off the wall things.... see it here)

That topic I won't touch up on. 

What I will touch up on? 

The fact that she told her recently engaged daughter Jessa that she must be available any time her husband wants sex..... I'd like to take a pull at her mullet. 

The full story here.

Then again I shouldn't be surprised when Michelle Duggar has made a living off of turning her uterus into a fucking clown car. 

As a married woman, mind you... I'm also ttc, who has a career, and has everything else in the world that needs to get done, this offends me. I'm sorry, but after working a 12-13 hour day, dealing with employees who need attitude adjustments, and dealing with drunken lunatics... to be honest... I don't even want to make dinner, let alone have to take the left over energy that I don't really have & be intimate with someone. I feel like I should be able to say, "Sorry babe.... I'm freakin beat from work. Can we just snuggle and watch a movie?" He should be able to say the same thing. I should be able to say, "NO". It should be respected. Just because I am a woman does not mean that I should just have my legs open any time my husband even looks at me weird. That almost seems like being used as a sexual object more than anything. 

Now, since we all know that life does happen and there can be what we all know as a "dry spell" (or hell as someone in the house calls it) when you get so freaking busy. If you have children, I know for a fact that sometimes you want to punch your husband in the face just for lookin at your ass because you are so tired. 

My husband and I happen friends with another married couple who told us what they do to make sure that they are able to make time for one another. If by chance those two happen to read this blog, thank you. They send each other a text "initiating" their intimate time. If it was sent by 9:00pm, then it has to happen. At first I was like, "how strange", but now understand it & to be honest I am pretty grateful that it was told to us.  We use that method when there has been a dry spell. You better believe there was no rules for this method, I'd be getting 50 texts a day "initiating"... then I'd have to kill him. 

Now I am rambling... 

Until next time friends =]

Love & Light,

Jess