Stand Up

 It's been 4 months & 17 days since my last post. Some of you have e-mailed me asking where I have been. Some of you never knew I was missing. Then there are others..... others that began e-mailing me hate mail. Hate mail so vile that I began contemplating deleting the entire blog... My whole journey was swirling around the click of the delete button like the last bit of water draining from the tub.Yep, I received e-mails that would make me sit at the edge of my bed & wonder what in the fuck I ever did to some of you people. Then I saw something amazing. 

My Timehop app showed me a status that I posted one year ago today: 

"Don't forget to stand up for yourself. Don't forget to stand up for those who are too scared. Don't forget to pick up those who have weakened in their journey. Don't allow others who are bitter take the smile from your face."

I needed to see this today. I needed to be reminded that I let you win. 
I let you take away my confidence of posting when I ended up in the hospital at 33 weeks with preterm labor & how all I wanted to do was blog about the nerves I felt. 
I let you take away the joy of finding out I was 4 cm dilated at 35 weeks. 
I let you take away me sharing the fact that I lost my mucus plug at 36 weeks after having my membranes stripped.
I let you take the joy of sharing the fact that my water broke while my OB was checking me at my 37 week check up. 
The absolute WORST of all was the fact that you took away my happiness of sharing my birth story & the beautiful face of my Penelope Adaline. 

To those of you who felt the need to tell me to kill myself & that my daughter was better off without me..... FUCK YOU. 

To those of you who felt the need to send those e-mails; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I let you take my confidence for so long. 

I am so happy that I saw that old status on Facebook tonight. This is the time that I stand up for myself. This is the time that I show my daughter what you do when people kick you down. This is how I show my daughter what a woman is made out of. 


My Sweet Penelope Adaline. 
July 24, 2015 at 12:18 AM. 
7lbs 4oz. 19 1/4 inches.


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