Tattoos & Customers

October 1st, 2013....Called my artist Waffle and told him to be ready for me at 9 pm. I had something special I wanted done. He knew the situation that I was in and how my heart was completely shattered. This art was perfect for the occasion. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. There was not a better way to have a memorial for my first little one. I did not think that I would be going through the same thing again in Feb, but it helped me through round two of the nightmare. It is a constant reminder to me that there are two little angels up there watching me. They keep their wings wrapped tightly around Giovanni and I. When I get sad I rub the beautiful angel on my forearm, it's a complete pick me up. 

Why the forearm you ask? Think about it. Where do mommys and daddys hold their babies? 

This tattoo has become the center of many conversations. Good and Bad. I have had plenty of people give me a hug and tell me that I am strong. I have also had plenty of people tell me that I am "too vocal" about my losses. For those of you that think that this blog is pointless and I am "too vocal", do me a favor. Fuck off. It's simple. I don't need the negativity in my life when it comes to something I am so passionate about. This shouldn't be a taboo subject. Mothers and Fathers should be able to actively speak about their babies without judgement being passed. 

This tattoo has made other women let me know that I am not alone in the journey. 

One woman made an imprint on my heart that I will never be able to fully explain. On Wednesday, August 6th, 2014, a spunky blonde woman walked into my store. I really liked her style. Awesome energy & some really awesome arm tattoos. I try not to stare at someones artwork as it can make others feel uncomfortable, so I wasn't too sure what all she had going on her left arm. I started the not so personal questions while trying to determine her needs and wants in an awesome eye wear frame. I casually asked her where she was from and to my surprise she was from Washington State. Just like me. We got to talking about the weather and how much we enjoyed having all four seasons instead of only two like we do in Vegas. We started at Ray Ban & ventured over to the Oakleys. Her and I have some of the same taste in eye wear. Something bold. Something that not everyone can wear. Something that when you see it you think, "Holy shit what a cool pair of shades!" Everything we tried on her had a heavy flash mirroring. See Below if you do not know what it is.

When we got to the Oakley case I noticed that her tattoo on her left forearm had a little bit of pink in it. Enough to catch my eye. Next thing you know I see a name at the bottom. I quietly and cautiously paid a compliment to her tattoo. She became rather quiet & said.....

"Thank You. It's for my daughter... I mean... Well my child is in heaven."

She fully extended her arm and revealed a beautiful little girl with a pink bow in her hair and the name Kristie Jo under it. I want to say that this tattoo also had small wings....

I immediately felt this connection with her. Unlike a connection I have had with others. Almost like I have known her forever.

I extended my left forearm to meet hers and pulled up my black 3/4 sleeve blazer sleeve to reveal my baby.

I whispered, "Mine too."

Time stood still for a minute. The usual noise of the crowded walk way of the Flamingo Hotel & Casino went to a dull roar & then altogether disappeared.

I was really worried that she would completely shut down on me and want to leave. I was wrong.

She opened right up and begin to ask questions:

Was your baby full term?
Did you have names picked out?
Do you have any other children?
Are you going to continue trying?

Not one time did she ever compare my pregnancy to hers. Not one time did she ever compare our children to the fact that her daughter died of SIDS (click here to find out more) at 6 weeks old & that I didn't carry mine to term. Our pain was the same. We both felt the heart break and destruction in our lives from our losses.

I began to tell her about my journey after ectopic and miscarriage. Told her about the meds, tests, dr's appointments, tears, and the emotional pain that I have been going through with each cycle of not getting pregnant.

I noticed that she did not say some of the things that other women have told me:

• "You have time! You're so young!"
• "Just relax!" - This one pisses me off more than anything. Really??? Dont you think that we were relaxed during the beginning of the process of trying to conceive? Don't you think that maybe the fact that we have suffered two losses will make us not want to relax, but actually stress us the fuck out?
• "Your time will come!" 
• "Have you ever thought about adoption?"

She did offer a hug & support. She even said she'd be interested in following my journey. I gave her my facebook information and I am hoping that when she returns home, she'll be able to read this blog. 

Julie, if you're out there reading this, I want you to know the peace that you brought into my life. You give me the courage to keep going and to keep believing that I will one day be able to hold my beautiful baby in my arms. I want to thank you for your encouraging words. I have never shared a tear with a customer, but I'm glad that it was with you. Kristie Jo is & was a perfect angel. 

May God bless you and yours tonight. For those of you who have never experienced loss & have beautiful children, hold them tight. Snuggle them a little closer. Give them you undivided attention. 

But with all of this, don't forget about your partner or spouse. They feel the same pain we do. They grieve just like we do, even if they don't show it the same. Look to your partner, your support, and to God to get you through the tough times. 

And to all the angels:

Love & Light,

Jes