20 Months & What's New

Where does the time go? How are we at the point where my daughter is about to turn two? That's right. Penelope Adaline is turning two in July.

So many things are happening right now. Giovanni left his last job and is currently with one of the largest banks in the nation. It's been a huge transition for all of us. I am still a stay at home mother and I absolutely love it. I am now a LulaRoe consultant & have found my little place in the world once again. Working hard & showing Penelope what a #bossmom is has been wonderful. You can check out my inventory here.

Let's get to Penelope & her accomplishes:

1. Penelope had her first birthday party. Poor kid was sicker than a dog & we ended up having to take her to the ER on her birthday, but dammit. . . we made it!

2. Penelope then decided that age one is a wonderful age to learn to climb. She decided to climb out of her crib and received her first broken bone.

3. She learned how to walk just two days later and used the cast as a way to balance.

4. We weaned her off of her pacifier and she now shows that beautiful smile off.

We are so so happy with the little lady that she is becoming. She is a lover of music and her Daddy's biggest fan. They are constantly in the kitchen together and enjoy cooking dinner or doing dishes.

She keeps us so happy and always on our toes. She is hands down the best thing that has ever happened to us.

With that being said, you can only imagine how surprised we were when In April 2016 we discovered that we would be giving Penelope a little brother or sister. I knew that there was something going on when I felt like I couldn't keep my eyes open during the day. It was so hard to try to run after Penelope and keep myself from knocking out every time I sat on the couch. Gio was coming home and I would tell him he was on baby duty & sleep for 2 hours just so I could then get up and go to the gym. I felt like a walking zombie, just like I felt with the two pregnancies before Penelope. I should have known that something wasn't right.
I woke up to brown spotting. Of course, I went into panic mode, but I called my OB that knew my history and just knew that he would tell me to come on in to do an ultrasound just to be safe. Instead, I was told by the receptionist that brown spotting was normal. Even MORE normal for a woman that has had a c-section. I repeatedly asked the receptionist to talk to Dr. K and ask him what could be done & she told me that she would have him call me back. He never did. I called 3 times that week to see if I could just get in for a viability ultrasound, just as he did for my second pregnancy. I never received an answer from him. I grew tired of waiting for him to call me back, so I called a local clinic here in Vegas that is known for doing abortions. No, I did not call for an abortion. I called because they give each and every woman a free ultrasound to see if it's more likely that they will have a miscarriage or if there is a heart beat.
I walked in with my best friend & as I began to try to tell the receptionist why I was there, my heart was sinking further and further into the pit of my stomach. There were young girls that were sitting in the chairs that lined dirty walls and the room was packed. I don't know much about the clinic other than I believe they also provide prenatal care at a lower cost and that we weren't in the best part of town. There were girls of various ages. You could tell the ones that had a tough decision ahead of them. Their heads bowed and eyes to the floor. Some were softly crying. It's an image in my mind that I cant forget. We stuck out like sore thumbs. We didn't belong, but all I wanted was that ultrasound to ease my mind. I explained to the receptionist about the spotting and how I felt like my OB wasn't taking me seriously. Unfortunately, the Ultrasound Tech was not in that day, so I had no other option, but to try to get back in touch with my OB.
On Mother's Day, May 2016, I woke up and had an amazing day. It was my first Mother's Day as a Mother with a living child. The first thing I did after I opened up my eyes was hug my little girl and thanked God that I was about to experience the joys of motherhood.I was happy to realize that I wasn't spotting. Penelope and Gio made me breakfast and we all took a long nap. Just how I like to spend my Sundays with my two favorite people. Giovanni and Penelope took me to get a pedicure and Giovanni even painted his toenails pink for Penelope. He was a proud daddy that didn't care if he had someone staring at his toes as he walked everywhere in his favorite black flip flops. It's what I love about him. The confidence that comes naturally to him. I was excited to go shopping that day and we grabbed Mother's Day presents for my in-laws.
I walked through the door when Giovanni told me to get ready to go to dinner. I got ready like normal and then dressed the baby. I was looking forward to the dinner from walking around. I also love to give gifts because I love to see the excitement in a person's face. I tell Gio all the time that I can't wait for Penelope to really understand Christmas and birthdays. I love the joy that a gift brings. Rambling. . .
We got ready and headed to the car. I buckled in Penelope and we began to back out of the driveway. Penelope began crying and when I turned around to check her, it dawned on me that she didn't have her pacifier. We turned the car around and pulled up to the house. I proceeded through the garage and ran up to the second floor to retrieve the pacifier. I raced back down the stairs, opened the car door, and gave Penelope her pacifier before hopping into the front seat. As soon as I buckled my seat belt, I knew there was something wrong. It felt as though I pulled a groin muscle and pinched my Sciatic nerve. It was a dull shooting pain that I just knew was going to hurt later. About 5 miles down the road the pain was slowly intensifying and my abdomen was beginning to swell. Giovanni kept asking me if he needed to take me to the hospital, but I didn't want Penelope to have to wait in the ER. The pain began to get worse and I finally asked Giovanni to take me to the hospital, but to drop me off and wait for me to call him. I wanted to make sure Penelope would be able to be at home and still on her routine.
I checked into the ER and told them that I was pregnant. it took them 45 minutes to even call my name to do my vitals. The ER was practically empty, but you never know what's going on behind the closed doors of an Emergency Room Department. In the meantime, Giovanni found a sitter for Penelope so he could come sit up with me. I am so thankful for her godmother. After my vitals were taken I was advised to go back to my seat in the waiting area. I waited another hour before I finally could no longer physically sit down because I was in so much pain and I proceeded to the front to let them know that my pain was off the charts. I was told I would be called back when they were ready for me. I didn't make it back to my seat before I threw up from pain and passed out on to the waiting area floor. When I came to, I was being taken back for an ultrasound.
Cold. I remember being very very cold. My abdomen was swollen. So swollen that it looked like I was easily 5-6 months pregnant. Definitely wasn't that big when I first started my journey to the hospital. I was wheeled into the small room and asked to remove my pants and to put a gown on. I was asked to empty my bladder before the ultrasound began & was helped to the bathroom that was connected to this room. I emptied my bladder and all i could see was red. Bright red. I didn't need her to do an ultrasound to be told that I was losing my baby. I've been through this before. I know what red means. I couldn't cry. I couldn't do anything, but come out of the bathroom and let her know that I had begun bleeding. My ultrasound didn't last very long because it became certain that this bleeding wasn't just a normal bleeding caused by miscarriage. I was taken immediately back to my room and told that I was going in for emergency surgery due an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured my left tube. The abdominal swelling was being caused because I was literally bleeding out.
Our 4th pregnancy and our 3rd loss. I didn't cry afterwards. I don't know if you jut get to a point that your numb and have no emotions or if you have learned to bury your emotions so far inside that you can't show any. I thought at the time that I was numb, but in reality, I was just thankful. I was thankful that I have Penelope. I gave thanks for the fact that I have this wonderful daughter and knew deep down inside that I'll be ok if I don't have another child. We would survive having just one because that one child was never suppose to be in existence today.

She is the reason I keep a smile on my face. Fast forward to November 2016 & I felt in my heart like a piece of me was missing. I realized that I never truly grieved the loss of our 4th baby. Of course, I am still ok with the fact that I have my perfect child, but I felt and still feel empty. I had an HSG test done and all came back clear. No left tube, damaged left ovary, scarred right tube (ectopic Sept 2013), and perfect right ovary. The OB that performed my emergency surgery took me on as a patient and advised me that getting pregnant by ourselves would be extremely dangerous.
A normal person has about a 20% chance of having an ectopic pregnancy. After my first ectopic, I was told that a person then goes to about a 30-40% chance of having a second ectopic. Now that I have had 2 ectopics, one resulting in loss of a tube, and one resulting in damage to the right ovary, I now have about a 60-75% chance of a tubal pregnancy. The safest option for us at this time would be to bypass the Fallopian tube altogether and proceed with IVF.

I haven't shared this news with anyone besides my parents and close friends. I had my first IVF appointment on Wednesday. We are more than excited and can't wait to see what the future holds for May and June. I ask that you all keep us in your prayers as this can be a very scary and stressful time for Gio, Penelope, and I. IVF made me think about writing in my blog again, just like I did when we were trying to conceive Penelope. Hopefully this will also force me to keep up to date with Penelope's accomplishments and updates. I can't wait to embark on this journey with you all again.


XOXO