The Unexpectedly Unexpectant Mommy

October 1st, 2013....Called my artist Waffle and told him to be ready for me at 9 pm. I had something special I wanted done. He knew the situation that I was in and how my heart was completely shattered. This art was perfect for the occasion. October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. There was not a better way to have a memorial for my first little one. I did not think that I would be going through the same thing again in Feb, but it helped me through round two of the nightmare. It is a constant reminder to me that there are two little angels up there watching me. They keep their wings wrapped tightly around Giovanni and I. When I get sad I rub the beautiful angel on my forearm, it's a complete pick me up.  Why the forearm you ask? Think about it. Where do mommys and daddys hold their babies?  This tattoo has become the center of many conversations. Good and Bad. I have had plenty of people give me a hug and tell me that I am strong. I have also had p...

This post is going to turn this blog around. I don't want pity. I don't want you to think that I am unfortunate. I am fortunate. I am fortunate enough to have a husband that loves me more than life itself and who understands the feelings that I have every day. I am fortunate to have a doctor who believes that I will become a mother.  I am fortunate to have all of you that not only read my blog, but share it too. This is going to be full of positives.. Dont get me wrong... there will be a venting section. Speaking of Positives..... I finally receives a positive (pos) opk last week. If you aren't quite sure what a pos opk is, you can find the definition & how to us it  here . A word to the wise........ Make sure that when you send it to your friend who has been through every up and down with you that you warn her that it's an opk and not a damn pregnancy test. Sorry Kate!! Didn't mean to almost make you go into pre-term labor. Love you!!! So I'm ...

Well.... I haven't written in a while..Sorry!!!! Giovanni and I celebrated our first anniversary on June 29, 2014, so I have had a lot going on with being out of state and then adjusting back to work. Everything went smoothly though & tonight I just took my first dose of Clomid. Just an FYI.... I know I haven't finished exactly where I left off... again as the last post stated; I do have a hard time finishing things & I going to blame it on my self diagnosis of ADD. In celebration of our first anniversary, I'd like to share a picture of my uber handsome husband that I took of him while we were in San Francisco on our honeymoon. Nothing like a sexy Filipino boy to get the engine going....... In other news... I want to go back to September 22, 2013 where I was having my ectopic. I cannot for the life of me remember whether I explained what an extopic pregnancy is, but for those of you who are just starting this ttc (trying to conceive) journey, I will explain...

Now I usually only write a blog a night... but tonight... there's a need for two... I wanted to just kind of update everyone with where I am right now. On Friday, June 13, 2014, I had another HSG. The results came back normal and I have been given a higher dose of Clomid. I have been pregnant twice on this so we shall see how this next couple rounds go. If we are not pregnant by the end of December, Dr. K will refer us to another doctor that he works closely with. We will then start looking at IVF and IUI. Some of you may not recognize the terms IVF and IUI so I will have a short explanation of both.. Most are familiar with IVF. Invitro Fertilization. It's what they like to call a "test tube" baby. They extract semen from the male and eggs from the female. The eggs that are usable, they fertilize with the semen and they decide from there what eggs are able to be inserted into the uterus. We are a candidate for this as this bypasses the traveling through the fall...

Now before I start this post I would like to add something that I think is vital to tell.... I have been drinking wine tonight. With that being said, I will not be surprised if there are misspelling of words or run on sentences. I pretty much think all my sentences are basically run on sentences... but Fuck It. I wanted to take pictures every waking fucking second of my life.... I was waiting for that magical little bump to appear.... That photo was taken at 5 weeks. As we all know... No one in their right mind shows at 5 weeks. Many women don't even know they are pregnant at 5 weeks. As an expecting mother, you are looking for people to tell you that you're going to be so cute when you get bigger or you will lose the baby weight as soon as you pop that sucker out.  I didn't get that treatment. It almost felt like it was taboo for me to be pregnant. It was taboo for anyone to talk about it. It sure as hell was a no-no subject for my best friend and I. She said it,...

Taysia took me to my HSG test on August 12, 2013. I had been taking the clomid for the first cycle.  Gio was traveling a lot and I found that when I wasn't at work; I wanted to just be at home. Away from everyone. Just in my best with my dachshund and Netflix streaming on the tv. I started to notice that I couldnt make it through the whole episode of Family Guy. Before I knew it, I wasn't making it through the opening credits of that stupid show. All I wanted to do while Giovanni was traveling was to sleep. I started having weird, vivid, and just super life life dreams. Dreams that you really couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't.  I have dealt with depression for a while and I found that I'd eat my feelings, throw myself in to my work load, or I absolutely love to sleep. Being that I was by myself and lonely, I chopped up the fact that I was constantly sleeping and exhausted to depression.  It wasn't depression. No, no.... It was something more. I...

Our journey really started rather quickly after we met in June 2011. We were always together and started talking about our lives as a couple. By August 2011 we were living together. I gave up my apartment and my dog Burger tagged along as well. You can always tell when you have a good man if your dog would rather cuddle up next to him instead of you.... especially when you recued her from her little life of hell...We were both going through some troubling times during that part of the year, however, we made it work and really used each other to become greater people. Fast forward a little bit & before you know it we were talking marriage and babies. We always said we would be happy with whatever comes first. I was happy with not being married while trying to have a child. I was ok not being married when our baby was to be born. I wasn't raised that way & I'm pretty sure he wasn't either. My mom & dad use to lecture us kids about doing the right thing by wa...